Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
