I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
