I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Dear god my vagina.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
