I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
