I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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