some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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