dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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