Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
