what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
