Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
