I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
