I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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