i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
