I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
