The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
