I wish I only lived at night.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
