I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Randomize
