I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Text me some of your sweat
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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