Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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