OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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