"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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