How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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