I think I died a long time ago.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
