we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
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