just tell him i said nine months
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
