I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
