what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
