okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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