Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
