So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
