I'm so fucking centered right now
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
