theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
