I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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