I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
