Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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