please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
