I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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