Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
