ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
