She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
