Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
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