why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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