My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
they need to just BURY HIM!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
