WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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