Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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