You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
