Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
