is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
