Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
