he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
