Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
