i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
