Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
