i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
