can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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