am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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