You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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