So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
