so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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